It could possibly be stated that, at one stage, good-looking and charming Welsh TV presenter, Matt Johnson, made reaching success appear easy.

An formidable teenager, he left faculty in Caerphilly at 16 to pursue a profession in showbiz, working his manner up by means of the ranks earlier than ultimately discovering nationwide fame presenting the interactive Hub on ITV’s This Morning between 2010 and 2013.

But behind the scenes, Johnson, who dated The One Present’s Alex James for six years, secretly struggled along with his psychological well being and in 2009 contemplated suicide. 4 years in the past, he spoke out about his experiences – to the shock of  buddies, together with fellow This Morning host Eamonn Holmes, who stated he’d had “no concept” what his former co-presenter had been going by means of.

However regardless of speaking about psychological well being points along with his good friend Sophie Gradon, a contestant on the 2016 collection of Love Island, he says he was completely rocked by her suicide in June.

Right here, Johnson, 35, talks about what the loss has meant to him, discovering love, dealing with despair and his ‘mission’ to save lots of lives.

How is your despair in the meanwhile?

“I’m feeling good. Though despair does creep in every now and then, I appear to have it beneath management in the meanwhile. Ten years in the past, I didn’t perceive my very own thoughts, however since then I’ve been on a journey to learn the way to calm myself and defend my psychological well being.

“I could also be a poster boy for basic despair however there’s such an enormous vary of various types of psychological sickness. For me, it’s a chemical situation which might occur no matter what you do to your physique, however I attempt to stop dangerous emotions by exercising, hanging out with good folks and staying wholesome. I additionally give myself time by myself and meditate, learn, or watch movies. All these processes assist put a lid on any signal of despair.

“My grandfather undoubtedly suffered some type of psychological sickness, and so has my father, and I’m collaborating in a analysis examine to see if despair is handed by means of generations. I’m so fortunate to have fantastic household and buddies to show to if I need assistance, and love my work as ambassador for the Folks’s Postcode Lottery, which takes me round the entire nation speaking to folks.”

What’s helped you through the years?

“Seeing a hypnotherapist during the last six months has been fantastic. My total life, I’ve had what’s like ‘imposter syndrome’ – secret emotions of worry of failure, and never eager to persevere with issues due to not feeling worthy of success.

“There’s that dread that any minute, somebody’s going to raise the velvet rope across the crimson carpet and kick you off, saying: ‘What do you suppose you’re doing right here?’ I feel I had a chip on my shoulder as a result of I used to be a working-class boy and believed that folks like me didn’t deserve good issues.

“As an alternative of combating myself and detrimental emotions, I’m now capable of compartmentalise my ideas and act positively. It’s an actual breakthrough and appears to have helped the insomnia that I’ve had since being a teen. From solely two hours sleep an evening, I’m as much as eight hours.”

What’s modified your life?

“My good friend, Sophie Gradon, committing suicide was a pivotal second which broke my coronary heart. I take into consideration her daily and her loss of life has modified my perspective to life. At her funeral, I noticed the entire and utter devastation of what’s left behind after suicide – no solutions, nothing however an unfathomable quantity of despair. It’s made me a lot extra pushed and targeted to attempt use no matter abilities I’ve learnt by means of speaking and broadcasting to assist stop tragedies like hers.

“We have been shut as a result of we’d had comparable issues. We’d talked typically about her issues with anxiousness and despair after I’d revealed my very own in 2013.  We knew one another eight years and she or he was a beautiful, heat, caring, super-smart lady with an unbelievable aura.

“We have been in contact by textual content only some hours earlier than she died. The thought that she might need been reaching out, and whether or not I might, or ought to, have known as her haunts me nonetheless.”

Are you in a relationship proper now?

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